The Blessing and Wisdom of Loving Your Wife

"Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth.
As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times;
An always be enraptured with her love.
For why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman,
And be embraced in the arms of a seductress?
For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and he ponders all their paths.
His own iniquities entrap the wicked man, and he is caught in the cords of his sin.
He shall die for lack of instruction, and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray."
Proverbs 5:18-23.

Several things tugged at my heart as I read these verses. There is a promise that our offspring, our children, will be blessed if we, as men, continue to rejoice with the wife of our youth. How hard is that in today's world.

Our wives suffer in comparison to the women that are paraded before us on television. From hamburger commercials to barely eighteen underwear models, these images are thrown in front of us a thousand times a day. Deep in our reptilian brains, these images register as available, possible mates - it doesn't know any better - and that takes attention away from our wives.

How can our wives of twenty or thirty or more years, who have given birth to children, raised them, cleaned up after them, cleaned up after us, cooked thousands of dinners and washed countless plates and floors and loads of laundry - how can our wives compete with the fresh faced model on television or in the magazine or the actresses on the sitcoms or in the movies - who have fitness and nutrition coaches and make up artists and hairdressers at their service - how can our wives compete?

The answer is they should not have to. The words of wisdom from God teach us to rejoice in her unconditionally - to be enraptured with her love. There is no instruction that says do that only if she's still hot - if she kept her bikini body - if she goes to the gym - if she starves herself or gets cosmetic surgery. It says we are to "always be enraptured with her love."

Enraptured means to receive intense pleasure or joy - we are to find intense pleasure or joy from our wives' love for us. And shouldn't we? She has fought four our marriage for decades, perhaps. In my case, my wife has put up with me going through times of despair, three different careers, and, harder than anything else, my unfaithfulness to her - the breach of trust. Yet she has fought for our marriage. She believed in it, even when I didn't. She had faith in it, in her vows and in our love. She showed strength even when I was weak. As I came to realize that, I began to understand what it meant to find joy in her love. No one else could love me like that - no one except the wife of my youth.

My flesh tugged toward the immoral woman. Toward the supposed pleasure of physical attraction, of seduction, of mysterious, forbidden pleasure. It has been difficult to overcome. I share the internal conflict of the Apostle Paul when he wrote: "For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin. For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do...For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice...For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members." Romans 7:14 - 24.

And we struggle, men, with the war between the flesh and the spiritual everyday. We are told to find joy in our wives' love - but we are shown images of "possible" joy all the time. We are pulled, torn apart inside, between the spiritual law that we should follow God's commands and the burning desire to succumb to the demands and lusts of the flesh. We are goaded by a barrage of images daily, to pursue lust - pursue the will of the flesh - and to abandon our yearning for God and our spiritual selves.

Paul, understood this, recognizing that he was pulled by "all manner of evil desire," (Romans 7:8), cried out, "O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?" Romans 7:24. Who will deliver us? Alone, we cannot overcome this inner conflict. Alone, we will always struggle with the flesh, with our physical, human desires - no matter how much we want to reject them. And even if we don't act on them, just allowing the desire to manifest itself in our hearts and minds puts us in danger. Jesus taught us the following:

"You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Matthew 5:27-28.

An impossible standard, I think - isn't it? I know that based on this standard, I've broken one of the ten commandments more times in my life than I can count. Advertisers count on it - every time that lady comes out wearing only a fur coat and her underwear and eating a hamburger - I feel the desire welling up inside - and how about the beautiful women we see everyday at work, in stores, at church, in the neighborhood. Our flesh, our sinful nature is constantly bombarded with images that arouse us. That create desire in us.

I think we have to be honest and admit it exists if we are going to deal with it. It is uncomfortable, no doubt - but much better to deal with it then let if fester and have the infection grow. We have to throw off the yoke of this sin if we are going to find joy in the arms of the wives of our youth - if we are going to love them back the way they love us. So, let's not pretend it doesn't happen, men. Let's be honest.

Remember, "[i]f we way that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us." 1John 1:8. I lived for years self-deceived. I thought I was walking a Christian life, just messing up  now and then. Sometimes, I was ashamed enough to confess. Sometimes not. But I kept the feelings of the flesh to myself - it was shameful, I thought, and it was private, personal - it shouldn't affect my relationship with others. But it led to more and more sin, and eventually, led to unfaithfulness to my wife. I didn't deal with it, I didn't confess it and repent from it - I denied it, instead and deceived myself- walking in and out of darkness for decades. And the infection spread.

Ultimately, God disciplined me, and I realized that I had been walking in the darkness, deceiving myself and not practicing the truth. I was called upon to confess and to repent. The repentance is the harder part. Because the memory of the lustful pleasure remains in the flesh, as does the desire for it. It is a daily battle. A daily plea for God's assistance to help me walk in the light, to have fellowship with him.

The more I spend time in God's word, in prayer, and in fellowship with like-minded people - the more I focus on the spiritual part of me - focusing outwardly, on my relationship with God, the easier it is to find joy in my wife. And it is all the more rewarding to do so, because I find joy in God, too.

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1John1:9. I can count on this promise now. I can count on it because I am not deceiving myself and walking in the darkness. When I find the darkness calling, I call out to God. I pray for His help in overcoming it. I no longer have to ask "who will deliver me from this body of death?" After thirty years of thinking I was a born again believer, I finally learned the answer, just as Paul did: "I thank God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

The task becomes one of setting my mind daily, even hourly, and sometimes minute by minute, on the things of the Spirit. Romans 8:5-6. It comes down to a war of worlds - a war between the world of the Spirit, that dwells in us and the flesh that also dwells in us - that we are told to put to death. The struggle for me was that I continued to love the things of the world after I became a Christian. I got rid of some of my sins, but not all of them.

I learned, through experience, that by loving the world, "the love of the Father is not in him" [me]. 1 John 2:15. It can't be. We can't love two masters. Matthew 7:24. "For all that is in the world - the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life - is not of the Father but is of the world." 1 John 2:16. As long as we remain in the world, and not in Christ, we remain in our sin and are passing away along with the World. 1 John 2:17.

The battle lines were blurred in me, before. Because I wanted them to be blurred. I wanted to have the things of the world that thrilled me, that I lusted after or desired, that I thought I deserved, in my life  - not just sexual, but financial and social, too. And I rationalized that it was okay that they were there - God wouldn't give me a desire for them unless He wanted me to have them. But I deceived myself - I mistook my desires for his guidance. I walked in darkness and the light was not in me.

Now, slowly, I begin to see with some clarity the difference. Now I hope for victory over the world, over my flesh and desire to do His will - to follow his commands. I pray for discernment and for strength. And when I feel the world creeping in, I seek Him and try to focus on the things of the Spirit.

For there is a glorious promise offered to us: "And this is the promise that he has promise us - eternal life." 1John2:25. While we cannot be saved by following the law, we can be condemned by it. Our flesh is subject to it. But what we could not do, God did. Romans 8:2. For what the law could not do in that it was weak through the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin: He condemned sin in the flesh, that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit." Romans 8:3-4.

"But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you." Romans 8:11. May it be so.

There is great wisdom in avoiding the temptations of the flesh, the seductress - the worldly ideal of women portrayed daily to us - and the worldly idea of life as portrayed to us. There is great wisdom and great happiness (not to mention contentment) in remembering to find joy in the love of the wife of our youth. God sees our ways. He knows us. And He has provided this woman for us so that we may find joy at home - that we may be blessed. Do not let him see us fall prey to sin - but instead, rejoice in the love he has given us and let it keep us safe throughout our lives.

Find joy in the love of the wife of your youth. I pray daily now that I can overcome the flesh that would tear me away from her. And daily, I find that my joy is growing. And through this, I learn to be closer to God. This is a living message to me, present in my home for a daily reminder. As I seek to walk in the Spirit, I seek to overcome the things of the world that would tear me away from God. His instruction and His discipline in this has broader applications for me - it applies to the whole of my walk with Him. As I learn to be obedient in this one thing, I learn to be obedient in all things. Thank you, Lord.

Challenge:

Take some time to examine yourself. See where and how the world pulls on your flesh. Admit it to God. In prayer, ask for the forgiveness - repent - make your mind new - and pray for the strength to live in His Spirit - to seek the things of the Spirit. Rest in the knowledge that He has overcome the world and He can help you to, also, if you sincerely want to come out of the darkness and into His light.

May God bless you and keep you.

Bob Vogel

The Most Powerful Christian Testimony

Love one another ....

And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing. Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with truth; bears all things, believes a things, hopes all things, ...endures all things. Love never fails...But now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. 1 Cor. 13:3-8, 13.

Love never fails. In a world where everything seems to fail - where daily we are discouraged by the news and the ever increasing selfish demands of our culture, by violence and hedonism - it is good to know that love, the true deep abiding love of God, never fails us...

And we are taught to love one another..."A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love one another." John 13:34-35.

The world, when it looks upon Christians, should see this love that we have for one another - the same love Jesus showed us. This is the greatest testimony of all.

It is also a mark of our salvation: "And by this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments." 1John2:3. He commanded us to love one anther with the same depth of love that he showed us when he took the sins of the world upon his shoulders and died to pay the price for them. 1John3:16.

Upon this example of His great love for us, we are to base our love for one another. 1John4:11.
If our testimony is to have meaning, it is time to follow Jesus' commandments: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and body. Love your neighbor as yourself. Love one another the way He loved us. If we just do these things in our daily walk, imagine what a change, what an impact our living testimony could be to the world.

Amen.